Blog Post | Who Am I, a Supermom? The Internal Struggle
Who Am I, a Supermom? The Internal Struggle
If you are a mom, you understand that internal struggle. That struggle to do it all. On an average day, we get up, help our kids get off to school, take care of the house, do laundry, dishes, organization, work, after-school sports, our kid’s mental health, their learning challenges, how they are doing in school, homework, school projects, their social and emotional wellbeing, social events, upcoming holidays, and the list goes on and on. That’s part of being a mom. You are always thinking about the next thing and what the impact will be on your children.
We may put pressure on ourselves to think of perfection, maintaining outside appearances, getting it all done, and having it all. As moms, we are so used to tending to the needs of others, and we often overlook our own needs. It’s hard to admit that we need support and that you can’t do it all… it truly takes a village. It’s hard to admit that we struggle with trying to keep up with the exhaustive list of ongoing to-dos, executive functioning skills, attention, focus, and organization that comes with ADHD. However, it allows you to empathize, be creative and create that loving, nurturing, supportive environment where you and your children can thrive.
So, what does this all mean? It means that you are not alone in the struggle. I must remind myself that I don’t live in a Pinterest house, but my kids are loved and safe. It’s hard not to feel guilty about our struggles. However, what is most helpful is creating a household that can accommodate you. An ADHD-friendly household that is easy to keep in order, one that works for you and everyone else in the household. Finding those creative solutions to the daily challenges that pop up.
Here are some creative strategies that can help.
Make an obstacle course:
- Before you go to bed, ensure you have all the necessary items. Put them in a place that blocks the path that you must go through in the morning. Another idea is placing items in a basket or a bag that is eye level by the door you are leaving from, so you will pass by it on the way out. I have a swim bag, a park bag, and a restaurant bag with items that stay in that bag. This helps me search less for items we use every time we visit that location. Do as much as possible the night before to avoid morning chaos: pack lunches, backpacks, work items, clothes laid out, and so on.
Visual Calendars/Reminders:
- Create a calendar with all the details and schedule for the week in a central location, so you know where everyone is going and have fewer misunderstandings and missed appointments. I also create a simple picture calendar for my kids, who are still learning to read. This way, they have some idea of what’s coming up in the week, and you can defer the 1000 questions about, “What are we doing today?” to the calendar.
- For daily routines that don’t change (e.g., morning and night), have a visual with pictures or words that symbolize the routines they follow. This way, if they need reminders on what to do next, you can again defer to the schedule, so you are not constantly saying put your shoes on, brush your teeth and get dressed.
- Visual Timers are helpful when you have kids who are still learning the concept of time. It lets them know how much time we have left in an activity, and we sometimes use it to beat the clock when we are cleaning up.
Take Time for Yourself: Self Care
- I know it is hard to schedule your downtime to recharge and re-energize yourself. Scheduling that self-care is being mindful about taking the time to pay attention to yourself and knowing that it’s ok to put yourself first sometimes. You don’t want your kids continually running on empty, and you shouldn’t either. There is no one correct way to do this. Ask yourself: “Where do I feel my needs could be met right now, and what is one place I can start?” Putting it on the calendar shows everyone the importance of time for yourself. You deserve it.
Kelly Thorell
ADHD Coach | Center For Living Well with ADHD, LLC
