Blog Post | Your Holiday Permission Slip to be Perfectly Imperfect
Your Holiday Permission Slip to be Perfectly Imperfect
Did Halloween sneak up on any ADHD parents as it did me? Last week I felt I had all the time in the world to get those perfect, Pinterest-worthy costumes made. Now, it snuck up on me like a ghoul in the night. Forget the handmade costumes of my dreams. I hauled the kids to Target, where we grabbed whatever was left in their sizes. Guess what? They’re thrilled with their overpriced, cheaply made costumes.
There’s a lesson here, right? I let go of the idea of a “perfect” costume and used shortcuts that gave me more time. I shifted focus to what’s important on Halloween: that the kids have fun in costumes they like. So what if they won’t have the craftiest costume on the Instagram feed? The kids are happy, and I maintained my relative sanity. What more could you ask for on a holiday?
Now, planning for Halloween is child’s play (Chucky reference anyone? 😉) compared to planning for The Holiday Season. You know that whirlwind of weeks spanning Thanksgiving to New Year’s Eve, putting the executive functioning of even our most neurotypical friends to the stress test. Maybe I can apply my Halloween learnings to the chaos that lies ahead. Where can I give myself permission this season not to be “perfect” (whatever that means)? Better yet, what can I say “no” to altogether?
Dear readers, I invite you to throw the script out this year and reflect on how you can make the holidays uniquely your own. After all, living and thriving with ADHD is about learning to do things in your own way, and owning those differences guilt-free. Ask yourself what a meaningful holiday would look like for you, not anybody else. Be intentional about this. Make a date to sit with a loved one this week and talk it out (most of us ADHD’ers are verbal processors, after all). Then brain dump everything you love about the season. Once you’ve made your list, whittle it down to 3-5 of the most important things. Beware the “shoulds” - this is your chance to boldly create a holiday that looks and feels like you!
Once you’ve defined what’s most important to you and your family, it will be easier to see where you can say “no,” and where you can get creative and try different approaches. As I was verbally processing with my coaching buddies, I realized a few things:
- Comparison is the thief of joy. I’ve been comparing my holidays to the ones my lovely mom hosted. When I’ve managed to pull off a mom-worthy holiday, I’m usually too exhausted to enjoy it. So this year, I’m letting go of that expectation. For example, instead of transforming our house into a Buddy the Elf-style Christmas wonderland in just one or two days as Mom did, I’m giving myself permission to spread out decorating over time and enjoy the process with my family. Guilt-free.
- “No” is hard, but too much “Yes” is worse. For the holidays, I want to do ALL THE THINGS! I’m like a kid in a candy store. I also know, of course, that saying yes to everything is not only a recipe for burnout, it is also plain old impossible if I want to keep my job and avoid divorce on my limited dopamine supply. What shiny things can I say no to so I can keep the most meaningful parts of the holiday front and center? One thing I’ve decided to let go of is my obsession to find the “perfect” gift for everyone. Hours and hours are wasted as I create massive lists and then change my mind. I end up paying double when we creep close to the deadline because I have to pay for rush shipping on whatever is still in stock. No more! I’m making it simple by getting gift cards. A local bookstore gift card for my book club, and a favorite restaurant gift card for my parents. Instead, the hours saved could be used to spend time with these people I’m thinking about.
- Am I considering all of my responsibilities? As I envisioned my meaningful holiday season, I almost forgot that as restaurant owners, my family also hosts staff parties. How much time does that take? Make sure to block out the time for the responsibilities that may lie outside of your vision and think about what you can do now to make it run smoothly. For example, you may want to get a bunch of chocolates and bottles of wine now that you can grab when you need host gifts later.
The possibilities are endless. Make your holiday dinner a potluck. Use paper plates. Respectfully decline an invitation to spend time with a toxic relative. Make it yours, my friends!
Abby Riley
ADHD Coach | Center For Living Well with ADHD, LLC
